I’m Not Good Enough.” What If Your Inner Voice Is Wrong?
Have you ever made a mistake at work and found yourself thinking, “I’m just a failure”?
Perhaps a root fractured during an extraction, an endodontic treatment resulted in a perforation, a patient complained or a conversation with a colleague went badly.
Suddenly, that little voice inside your head starts talking.
“I’m hopeless.”
“I’m not good enough.”
“I always get things wrong.”
“I shouldn’t be a dentist.”
Sound familiar?
We all have an internal voice, (I call mine Tut Tut) but sometimes that voice becomes our harshest critic. Judgemental, unsupportive and relentless. Perhaps you hear the internal critic occasionally, following a difficult day or when something hasn’t gone according to plan, or perhaps it’s become so familiar that you barely notice it anymore. They’re simply part of the constant background conversation taking place inside your head.
TutTut
But what happens when you start believing that critical little voice is telling you the truth?
There is an enormous difference between experiencing failure and being a failure.
When a difficult day becomes a damaging belief
It’s seldom just one incident that undermines our confidence.
More often, it’s an accumulation of seemingly small experiences. A difficult patient, a misunderstanding, an unexpected clinical outcome, a disagreement with a colleague.
Over time, these experiences can begin to influence how we think about ourselves.
“I made a mistake” becomes “I always make mistakes” eventually becomes “I am a failure.”
Our thoughts become beliefs, our beliefs influence our emotions, and our emotions determine our behaviour.
A mental health cascade can start with questioning your abilities, then avoiding challenges, losing confidence becoming feeling increasingly anxious, overwhelmed or burnt out.
For some dental professionals, the emotional burden becomes so great that they consider leaving their practice, abandoning dentistry altogether or, tragically, even ending their life.
What if you could change your relationship with that critical voice?
Six steps to change your internal conversation
Here’s a simple six-step process I sometimes use with my therapeutic coaching clients to help them create distance between their thoughts and their identity.
Let’s use the statement “I’m just a failure.”
- THINKING – Recognise the thought
“I’m just a failure.”
At this stage, the thought feels like an unquestionable truth.
- NAMING – Name it as a thought
“I’m having a thought that I’m a failure.”
Notice the difference. It’s now a thought, not a fact.
- NOTICING – Become the observer
“I’m noticing that I’m having a thought that I’m a failure.”
You’re beginning to observe your thinking rather than becoming consumed by it.
- QUESTIONING – Challenge the assumption
“But even if I fail, does that mean I’m a failure?”
Making a mistake doesn’t define your identity, worth or capabilities.
- UNIDENTIFYING – Separate yourself from your thoughts
“I don’t have to believe every thought my mind produces.”
Your thoughts are experiences, not definitions of who you are.
- DISTANCING – Let the thought go
“I can let the thought that I’m a failure go.”
You don’t have to fight the thought, suppress it or allow it to control your behaviour. You can acknowledge it and choose not to follow it.
What could change if you stopped believing your inner critic?
Imagine being able to make a mistake, take responsibility, learn from it and move forward without questioning your entire professional identity.
Imagine receiving feedback without automatically interpreting it as criticism.
Imagine approaching your working day feeling more confident, capable and optimistic.
The aim isn’t to convince yourself you’re perfect. It’s to stop believing that you must be perfect to be good enough.
Knowing the steps is one thing. Embedding them is another.
In my therapeutic coaching work, I sometimes combine these six steps with timeline-based and multisensory coaching techniques to help clients explore the origins of their beliefs, change their relationship with their internal dialogue and develop more helpful thinking patterns.
If your critical inner voice is undermining your confidence, happiness or enjoyment of dentistry, please get in touch. We can explore how coaching might help you move forward.
Remember, you are not your mistakes. You are not your thoughts. And you are certainly not everything your internal critic tells you.
If you would like to discover how to cage your inner critic, do get in touch Jane@IODB.co.uk
